..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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