I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
