i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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