he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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