I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
