So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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