he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
