Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
