Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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