So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
