Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
