it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
