Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
