If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
