yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
