Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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