I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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