Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
false alarm, still single
Randomize
