feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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