At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
