My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
