im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
