I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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