Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
