I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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