foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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