you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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