I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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