I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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