i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
