A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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