yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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