Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
