Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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