how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
