i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
