My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
