All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
