fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
