I'm drive I can fine osifer
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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