Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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