Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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