we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
