I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
