He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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