He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
