So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
