I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
