I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
