I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
