Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
