Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
